Yō mamma is so fat she broke the stairway to heaven.

LOL, what a nice joke, but of course there really is no stairway to heaven. The stairway is in our thoughts and possibly it is a bridge or mountain to reach high to the heavens, JK. It

A man goes to see a wizard and says, “Can you lift a curse that a priest put on me years ago?”
“Maybe” says the wizard, “Can remember the exact words of the curse?”
The man replies, “I pronounce you man and wife.”

This is pretty much a true story,

Wife: I think the vacuum’s broken. It’s not sucking.
Me: It must’ve gotten married while we were out.

LOL, this is when the physical love starts getting boring and boring, right after marriage. Normally, making love is a fun task, but for some reason at some point the love

Why was the blonde’s bellybutton bruised?
Because blonde guys aren’t that smart either.

To break it down, basically a blonde guy was trying to stick it in the belly instead of the vagina. This is just how blondes are as they don’t know any better. Or maybe just the

A man sunbathes in the nude and ends up burning his penis.
His doctor tells him to ease the pain by dipping it in a saucer of cold milk. Later, his blonde wife comes home and finds him with his dick in a saucer of cold milk.
“Good heavens!”

What word is the same upside down and backwards? Swims.

Well, what this means is that if you flip the words upside down and read it again, it will say “swims.” This is really not a joke, but something clever. In a way, it could count as a

Chuck peed in a cars gas tank that car is now known as Optimus Prime.

I almost feel like this is the Red Bull commercial, LOL. No wonder there are transformers, it’s because of Chuck Norris. I guess Optimus Prime is real and it exists, or should i

Her: “what’s your zodiac sign?”
Him: “dinosaur”
Her: “but that one doesn’t even exist”
Him: “none of them exist”

Technically, this is absolutely true as in a realistic form none of them really do exist. I mean how do they even exist? The only way they exist is because someone created

Girls under 18 are like math problems. they are best if done in your head.

LOL, maybe they are just better when they are done in your head throughout all their life span. As they get older, they are nothing but a headache, almost as if there is

Starbucks really isn’t that expensive compared to what Victoria’s Secret charges per cup.

Of course, they are talking about different types of cups here, but both are pretty expensive. I wish Starbucks was a bit healthier and that they had more healthier options available. Their entire food items

They call themselves independent women, until furniture needs to be moved.

This is absolutely true and almost like it’s not even a joke. Every woman considers themselves independent, then they ask you to help them with stuff. I mean why should we help you? You know that you

I’m confused. After thousands of years of people eating bread, and suddenly over the course of a decade people have become allergic to gluten.

This is what I like to call business. I noticed in the last years as I was shopping at Whole Foods that many baked

Always bring the banana to your mouth, never bring your mouth to the banana.

Ever wonder just what the correct way is to eat a banana. Maybe all of this time, we have just been eating it wrong. Either way you eat it, it just doesn’t look right.

What are the two things that Ford and Kia have in common?
They only did one thing right, and what it was is circle the problem.

As much as I love Ford, in a way this makes sense. I just wish the car lasted long as they are pretty

One day little Johnny went to school and got caught with a cat in his backpack. So, the teacher called his parents, when his parents got there his mom asked him why he had taken the cat. Little Johnny responded, “Because I heard daddy say when the

If you google “6 flags” the “L” is the most important letter.

LOL, this is actually a very good one. The last thing you want to do is google “6 fags,” LOL. I often tell this to people, and everyone thinks it’s a very good one. I’m sure

Your mama is so fat when she stands on a scale it says, “to be continued.”

I always wondered to myself what exactly is the last number on the weight scale. Lately, I’ve been gaining so much weight that this is a good reminder for me to start